Thursday, November 16, 2006

If I was king for just one day, I would give it all away...

Ten points to the first person to pick up on the song quote in this post's title!

A response to the "Christmas Music" post got me to thinking...what kind of rules would I make if I was king of the world? So, in no particular order (other than the order in which I think of them), here's King (Pipe)Dreamer's Rules for his New World Order:

1) Making a right turn on red would ALWAYS be allowed.

2) Putting up Christmas store displays the day after Halloween would not.

3) Chocolate cheesecake would be declared healthy.

4) Able-bodied people who park in handicapped parking spaces at the store without a sticker or a tag would have their legs broken and would be forced to park in the farthest reaches of Wal-Mart parking lot BFE, upon which they would have to walk between their car and the door to Wal-Mart over and over and over. For a month. Eight hours a day.

5) And THEN they would be forced to write a letter to someone who actually NEEDS a handicapped space, explaining their reasoning for being such a selfish bastard and begging forgiveness.

6) Schools wouldn't be allowed to schedule events on Wednesday nights or Sunday mornings.

7) For that matter, neither would kids' sports teams.

8) Dollar bills would read, "In God we trust--all others pay cash."

9) All members of boy bands would be exiled to the island of Corsica. Any fans over the age of 21 would also be asked to join them.

10) Every individual would have a salary cap of $1,000,000. Any money made above that amount each year would be subject to a 100% tax, all of which would be tax deductible if it was donated to a charity instead. (Okay, go ahead, call me a socialist...I still think it's a good idea!)

11) Sports teams would not be allowed to charge more than $10 for a ticket. How's a dad ever supposed to teach his kids the intracicies of the halfback draw or how to score a baseball game if he can never afford to take his family to a game?

12) A corollary...no food or drink item at a sporting event shall exceed the cost of the least expensive ticket. In other words, if you can pay 5 bucks to get into the berm seating at the local minor league stadium, a beer shouldn't set you back $6.

I could do this all day...this is kinda fun. I may add some more later--in the meantime, feel free to add your own rules!

T.A.(P)D.

3 comments:

Brian said...

The cap's a good idea. Nobody needs to make more than a million a year. There's a lot better ways we can spend our money here.

One more I just thought of:
Parents who send their children to school on 35 degree days with no more than a hooded sweatshirt will be required to stand on the playground during recess with their child, wearing no more than what they sent their child to school in.

thirdfuerst said...

Why would anyone need to make $1,000,000 per year?

The Anonymous (Pipe)Dreamer said...

Thirdfuerst,

Well, I didn't want to be TOO much of a pinko commie socialist Californian! =)

You're right, though...while nobody needs to make a million a year, in the ten minutes I took to think through my "rules," I thought leaving that much leeway for freedom to choose what to do with one's money would help provide the best possible of both worlds.

Personally, I wish I was a millionaire, because it would be so damn fun to give it all (well, most of it at least) away!!!