Two Wednesday Tidbits

I've got a busy Lenten Wednesday in front of me, so two brief items for your perusal today:

1. I was stopped at a stoplight on my way home from work yesterday afternoon, and the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that was funny enough for me to grab a pen and a piece of scratch paper (actually an unused ATM envelope) and write it down. It's a quotation attributed to General Norman Schwartzkopf: "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." Editor's note: this quotation in no way reflects the blog author's view of the war in Iraq, or of the nation of France, or of french fries, french toast, french salad dressing, French's mustard, Les Miserables, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Notre Dame football team (ever noticed they have a French name but are called the "Fighting Irish?" What's up with that?), shooting deer, or music involving accordions. It was just funny in and of itself, and any thoughts the reader may form concerning the author's opinion on any of the above subjects based on the quotation alone are at the reader's risk and are most likely bound to be wrong anyway. So there.

2. A few posts ago, I promised a picture of my "Moxie shelf" at work. It currently holds 9 cans...I'm debating as to whether I should start a new shelf when can #10 comes along, or if I should just start another row on the same shelf. I'm a book connisseur, so bookshelf space is at a premium in my office. (If only that were the biggest conflict in my life...)

LH

Rant of the Week by Dr. Cox of "Scrubs"

Dr. Cox: [Whistles.] All right, everybody! Gather around here, circle it up, will ya? Bring it in nice and tight. Look, I know I'm pretty quick to point out other people's mistakes but...I have a son now, and I also realize that it's important to recognize when someone does something right. Mr. Blake down in Bed 3 came in here with what seemed like a basic heart block. But someone took the time to find out that recently he'd been camping and correctly diagnosed him with Lyme Carditis. Now, I'm sure some of you are gonna think this is a silly exercise, but I'd like that someone to step forward and stick your hand up in the air so that the group can recognize your great good work. This--this is no time to be modest. Come now.

He looks around at them expectantly while raising his own hand.

Dr. Cox: Oh! My God! It was me! I did it, I'm a genius, I'm a huge brain in a ripped up body, I am Jesus H. Cox...M.D. Still, I probably couldn't have done it by myself, so I'd like to go ahead and recognize some of the other players who were involved. There was the intern who originally misdiagnosed the patient...

Lonnie: That's me, daddy.

J.D.: Put your hand down, Lonnie.

Dr. Cox: And then there was the resident who confirmed that misdiagnosis.

J.D.: In my defense, I was up late watching a 'Designing Women' marathon.

Dr. Cox: And, last but not least, there was the surgeon who wanted to crack open Mr. Blake's chest like a walnut and put in a pacemaker that he didn't even need. Now, he's too modest to introduce himself to the group, so I'll do the honors. [Approaching Turk] He is so black, so bald, and he can't eat cupcakes because he's got diabetes. Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Turk!

Turk: Can you just get out of here so we can get back to work?

Dr. Cox: Not until people start chanting my name so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head in a victorious gesture. Capisce? You see, this diagnosing machine, this fabulous thing? Well, it runs on props, so I'm going to need to hear it. Come now.

Group: [Unenthusiastically] Cox...Cox...Cox...Cox...Cox...Cox....

Dr. Cox: [Making his victorious exit] Me. Me. Me. Oh, so me!

T.A.(P)D.