"You're A Pain in Every Day of Every Month of Every Year!"

This week's Scrubs Rant of the Week comes from the episode My Musical, which aired in January and which I blogged about here. For your reading and watching enjoyment, I'm providing both the video link and lyrics. To set the scene, the patient, Patti, is suffering from some unknown ailment that causes her to hear everything in song. They're trying to figure out what's wrong with her. Enjoy!



"The Rant Song"

Patti:
Dr. Cox, I'm not crazy!

Dr. Cox:
Am I still singing?

Patti:
Singing like a bird...

J.D.:
Dr. Cox, huge news! I pulled some strings and got the parking spot right behind yours!
Bumper buddies!

Dr. Cox:
(motioning to J.D.) Still, you're not ne-he-hearly as bad as her
Do you know how much you annoy me?
(Spoken) The answer is a lot!
Should I list the reasons why?
Well, I don't see why not.
It's your hair, your nose, your chinless face
You always need a hug
Not to mention all the manly appletinis that you chug
That you think I am your mentor just continues to perplex
And, oh my God, stop telling me when you have nerdy sex!

J.D. (spoken): Oh, by the way, last time Kim was in town, we got some appletinis and poured 'em on her good parts!

Dr. Cox:
See now, Newbie, that's the thing you do that drives me up a tree
'Cause no matter how I rant at you, you never let me be!
So I'm stuck with all your daydreaming, your wish to be my son
It makes me suicidal and I'm not the only one
No, I'm not the only one...

Janitor:
It all started with a penny in the door
There was a hatred I had never felt before
So now I'll make him pay, each and every day
Until that moussed-haired little nuisance...is...no...more!!!!

Dr. Cox:
So now that is why I call you names like Carol, Jane, and Sue
Like Moesha, Kim, and Lillian, Suzanne and Betty-Lou
See, regardless of the names I pick, my feelings are quite clear
You're a pain in every day of every month of every year!

Patti:
Dr. Cox, you gotta help me, 'cause I really am distressed!
Can't you find another option, won't you run another test?

Dr. Cox:
If you want some kind of favor, really any kind of favor
Please just get me peace and quiet from this God-forsaken pest!

J.D. (spoken):I think what my bumper-buddy is trying to say...

Patti:
Shut your cake-hole, Mary-Beth, or I swear to God I'll shut it soon!

Dr. Cox:
Congratulations, we'll schedule your test this afternoon!

LH