Rant of the Week by Dr. Cox of "Scrubs"

To a patient who has very obviously done too much tanning:

"You, my friend, look so damn leathery I'm honestly tempted to wrap you around a baseball, cinch you up with a belt, and stick you under my mattress so that you're good and broken in for the big game on Sunday. Buuuuuut, since I'm here to heal, not judge, I'm gonna go ahead and write you a couple of prescriptions. You'll find that this first one is for an extra large mallet to help you pound some sense into yourself. The second one is for a big floppy hat that you're now to wear every single time you leave the house. Have a great day, ya look like a purse!"

From My Boss's Free Haircut
Scrubs Season 4

T.A.(P)D.