Saw this elsewhere. Made me laugh hysterically. Decided to share. =)
The Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously mentally challenged. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
LH
Showing posts with label humorous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humorous. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Anybody wanna buy a football?
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the latest example of the law of supply and demand, Nebraska-style.
An astute reader and poster at HuskerPedia.com noticed something interesting on a website that sells Husker football paraphenilia:
1) You can buy a football that was autographed by former head coach (fired in November) Bill Callahan for $19.99. The link is here.
2) OR...at the same website...you can buy the exact same football...WITHOUT an autograph...for $29.99. That link is here.
A football with a former coach's autograph is $10 less than a blank football. As the poster on HuskerPedia remarked, that's just "evidence that graffiti reduces property value."
Anybody have some whiteout? I suddenly have a money-making idea...
LH
An astute reader and poster at HuskerPedia.com noticed something interesting on a website that sells Husker football paraphenilia:
1) You can buy a football that was autographed by former head coach (fired in November) Bill Callahan for $19.99. The link is here.
2) OR...at the same website...you can buy the exact same football...WITHOUT an autograph...for $29.99. That link is here.
A football with a former coach's autograph is $10 less than a blank football. As the poster on HuskerPedia remarked, that's just "evidence that graffiti reduces property value."
Anybody have some whiteout? I suddenly have a money-making idea...
LH
Monday, April 30, 2007
Pachelbel Rant
I found this linked from Christy's blog.
If you're not a musician...this is REALLY funny.
If you are a musician...especially one who plays for weddings...and who has played Canon in D at JUST ABOUT every wedding you've been a part of...well, this is just off the scale hilarious.
Comedian/musician Rob Paravonian's 5 minute rant on Pachelbel...sit back, enjoy, and don't drink anything while you're watching, lest said drink ends up spit all over your computer.
(and yes, it's true...the verses to Green Day's "Basketcase" DO have the EXACT SAME chord progession as "Canon in D"...I just tested it out myself. But if anyone asks, I was just practicing "Canon in D." Very fast. And loud. Our little secret.)
LH
If you're not a musician...this is REALLY funny.
If you are a musician...especially one who plays for weddings...and who has played Canon in D at JUST ABOUT every wedding you've been a part of...well, this is just off the scale hilarious.
Comedian/musician Rob Paravonian's 5 minute rant on Pachelbel...sit back, enjoy, and don't drink anything while you're watching, lest said drink ends up spit all over your computer.
(and yes, it's true...the verses to Green Day's "Basketcase" DO have the EXACT SAME chord progession as "Canon in D"...I just tested it out myself. But if anyone asks, I was just practicing "Canon in D." Very fast. And loud. Our little secret.)
LH
Friday, March 02, 2007
You're On Notice!
That's right...you're all on notice! Even you, Mr. HyVee Guy who cut in front of me in the "12 Items or Less" line to get to the other register even though there was an unspoken rule amongst us line-dwellers that there was only one line for both registers...and I counted at least 13 items in your basket...I'm sorry, but 2 loaves of bread counts as 2 items...not one. Mr. HyVee Guy, wherever you are, you earned your place right above Non-Liturgical "Lutheran" Worship......but don't worry, you still have a long way to go before you even begin to approach the Yankees.
LH
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